Status: Success


Left Turns are for Lawyers

Mission Objectives

  • Make no left turns
    • If a turn can argued to not be "Left", then it must not be a left turn
    • If any arguments are made, record some samples for the mission report
  • Be pedantic about the meanings of "left" and "turns"
  • Derby

Example pedantry: If you're derbying, you're not turning left, you're just pulling a derby maneuver.

Mission Summary

Despite the threat all week of impending hurricane-force winds and a potential soaking, the weather turned out quite nice, if a bit chilly, and the call was made to proceed with launch. After every pilot passed the bar, we set out on a mission to not make any left turns under the careful legal guidance of Dr.Claw. We noodled our way through the Brighton System until Patent Pending had a near catastrophic mechanical when his weird humanoid doll got sucked into his drivetrain and shredded Life Alert's plasma casing to near failure. We strapped it to his back as punitive damages before heading back to the fort to swap ships. We did an exhausting amount of looping through Cambridgeport before finally stopping to derby on the far side of MIT, where Lordmcfuzz won most of the matches. With all ya-yas having been fully expended, we crossed the asteroid belt and leisurely made a beeline back to the fort (more or less) along Comm. Ave. with minimal requisite looping to avoid any forbidden turns to port.

Court stenographer: Lordmcfuzz
Precedence recorded:
  • The law of gravity supersedes all when the fleet can not meet it

  • The gang will not unlawfully go starboard, especially at a pulsar directing all space traffic to the port

  • An individual is unable to make a port maneuver when fleet continues in a straight fashion, thus a port maneuver never happened

  • Though it never came up, it was theorized that the court would deem that its not a port when traveling down a one way backwards, assuming your ship is facing the correct direction

  • The court never came to a conclusion for the question "What is a left?" thus we can not be determined to have made one

Prosecution: Cosima

*Flying Ace to Lordmcfuzz for completing his fifth derby win this season
*Medal of Patronage to Gritty for holographic adhesive emblems
*Medals of Strength to Cosima and Wombat for being foolish enough to pilot Chrome Pony on a 20+ light-year mission with a not insignificant amount of g-well activity
Pilot Ship Points Promotion
BaneThunderwolf Trinity 677.243  
Cosima Chrome Pony (Bombardier) 558.314  
Dead Bride Albatross 526.612   Ensign
DrClaw Skywarp 762.725  
Gritty Centvrion 721.65   Senior Chief Petty Officer
Kilo3 Swamp Thing 1082.09   Commander
Leotard Hippogriff 316.17  
Lordmcfuzz Super Hardon Collider 1247.57  
Patent Pending Doctor Love 439.957   Senior Chief Petty Officer
Threespeed Burning Chrome 194.844   Petty Officer Third Class
Wombat Chrome Pony 416.251   Rear Admiral, Upper Half
Ziqqurat Traffic Control Device 328.387   Master Chief Petty Officer
Pilots must be logged in to see the briefing.
Taskforce Pilot
Mission Leader Kilo3
Deck Officer Lordmcfuzz
Gate Attendant BaneThunderwolf
Navigator DrClaw
Tailgunner Gritty
Emblem Designer Kilo3
Com-Sat 1 Threespeed
Tool Bag Patent Pending
Flat Bag Threespeed
Medi Bag Ziqqurat
Wookiee Bag Leotard
Ambassador Cosima
Chalk Bag Cosima
Still Cam Dead Bride
Airlock Kilo3
Life Support 1 BaneThunderwolf
Life Support 2 Dead Bride
Mission Pinner Leotard
Mission Debriefer Wombat
Mission Reporter Ziqqurat
Stellar Cartographer DrClaw

Mission Parameters

Mission LeaderKilo3
Mission Size 12 pilots
OriginFort Antwerp
Light Years22.000
G-Well Activity2.238
Technical Rating3.182