Left Turns are for Lawyers
- Make no left turns
- If a turn can argued to not be "Left", then it must not be a left turn
- If any arguments are made, record some samples for the mission report
- Be pedantic about the meanings of "left" and "turns"
Example pedantry: If you're derbying, you're not turning left, you're just pulling a derby maneuver.
Despite the threat all week of impending hurricane-force winds and a potential soaking, the weather turned out quite nice, if a bit chilly, and the call was made to proceed with launch. After every pilot passed the bar, we set out on a mission to not make any left turns under the careful legal guidance of Dr.Claw. We noodled our way through the Brighton System until Patent Pending had a near catastrophic mechanical when his weird humanoid doll got sucked into his drivetrain and shredded Life Alert's plasma casing to near failure. We strapped it to his back as punitive damages before heading back to the fort to swap ships. We did an exhausting amount of looping through Cambridgeport before finally stopping to derby on the far side of MIT, where Lordmcfuzz won most of the matches. With all ya-yas having been fully expended, we crossed the asteroid belt and leisurely made a beeline back to the fort (more or less) along Comm. Ave. with minimal requisite looping to avoid any forbidden turns to port.
Court stenographer: Lordmcfuzz
- The law of gravity supersedes all when the fleet can not meet it
- The gang will not unlawfully go starboard, especially at a pulsar directing all space traffic to the port
- An individual is unable to make a port maneuver when fleet continues in a straight fashion, thus a port maneuver never happened
- Though it never came up, it was theorized that the court would deem that its not a port when traveling down a one way backwards, assuming your ship is facing the correct direction
- The court never came to a conclusion for the question "What is a left?" thus we can not be determined to have made one
*Flying Ace to Lordmcfuzz for completing his fifth derby win this season
*Medal of Patronage to Gritty for holographic adhesive emblems
*Medals of Strength to Cosima and Wombat for being foolish enough to pilot Chrome Pony on a 20+ light-year mission with a not insignificant amount of g-well activity