Status: Failure


Naked Keg Party

Mission Objectives

ride to Chelsea
find Luna Katz
eat bagels

Mission Summary

Nosepicker Reports:
we went to chelsea. the roads sucked, we ate bagels, ehhhhhhhh. it poured, it sucked, we went to crispy cream, ehhhhhhhhhh. path leading there not best route, not harv compliant. lost pigpen, went home.

Snarly Reports:
the subtext here is that the less said about Saturday, the better. except for the bagels, that is.
my take on it:

The fleet, including three maggots (one of whom gave birth to a Giraffe some time ago), shoved off for the Chelsea Galaxy to seek toroidal refreshment. We experienced a mechanical in the Davis Constellation, luckily near a playground, and remained there until Threespeed had fetched repair materials from his fort. After pedaling through miles of crater-ridden wasteland, the fleet descended upon a bagel shop and feasted mightily. Just in time for our departure, heavy radiation began to pelt us from above. A cold and wet fleet navigated through ever more inhospitable terrain to Luna Krispy Kreme in the Medford Galaxy. More toroids were consumed and a mechanical failure in Mjollnir's primary thruster was repaired. The fleet lost PigPen, and after a failed retrieval mission by several scouts, we pedaled home soggy and defeated.

Threespeed Reports:
Catastrophe suffered a mechanical on the way to our first lap of Davis Constellation when a battle-worn part of its primary thruster core gave way. New dilithium crystals were cannibalized from an idle battleship at a nearby fort, and the fleet continued in high spirits.

Passing through Union Const. in search of toroidal carbohydrates, we passed many young members of non-chopper gangs and almost as many police officers, lending the square a wholesome atmosphere. Taking the scenic route after a navigational screwup, we entered Everett system through a wormhole that was perilous to narrow thrusters.

In the Everett and Chelsea systems we encountered badly cratered planets, an impressive post-industrial wasteland, few CBUs furtively pursuing their modest entertainments, and the beginning of a radiation storm. The few natives who noticed us responded favorably, though.

LunaKatz was open, pleased to see us, and stocked with astronomically yummy bagels. None dared ask for the hideously mutated "pizzabagel", however. Radiation began to fall thickly during our shore leave.

The navigators (aided by an indestructible radiation-proof Rubel BikeMap) tried to astrogate the most gentle and direct route home which happened to pass LunaKrispyKreme. Unfortunately, nobody knew the exact conditions on PlanetRoute16 and it proved a torturous route (though containing unmentionable rewards for some sharp-eyed pilots).

Radiation continued to fall heavily, giving pilots trouble from braking problems on some ships and compromising BonnieAndClyde's unique propulsion system. Braving bike traps, HARV-eating trees, and disgruntlement we arrived at LKK with a deflated Mjollnir (thanks to an impressive chunk of Chelsea shrapnel).

After repairs and further refueling, during which the radiation ceased, the fleet slunk home with no further incidents.

Three maggots were inducted in a rushed group ceremony which did no justice to their exemplary performance, but we were tired.

Status: Yummy failure.
Pilot Ship Points Promotion
Biker Mom Mjollnir 347.252   Petty Officer Second Class
Blipblipbeep Swamp Thing 263.281  
Boner Spooky Pirate 250.713   Petty Officer Third Class
Brewer Annihilation 378.989   Petty Officer Second Class
Giraffe Bonnie & Clyde 333.861   Petty Officer Second Class
Hothead Trez Bonz 167.276   Aviator First Class
Nameless Catastrophe 587.88  
Nosepicker G.I. Jane 209.835  
PigPen Saint Christopher 612.987  
RoadRash War 618.928  
Rotwang Skylab 317.017  
Snarly Abandon All Hope 916.228   Rear Admiral, Lower Half
Tarantula Ez Raider 81.7159  
Threespeed DexionDestroyer 767.845  
Trogdor Delirium 422.712   Lieutenant
Pilots must be logged in to see the briefing.
Taskforce Pilot
Mission Leader Snarly
Navigator Threespeed
Tailgunner PigPen
Still Cam Threespeed
Life Support 1 Nameless
Mission Debriefer Nosepicker
Mission Reporter Threespeed

Mission Parameters

Mission LeaderSnarly
Mission Size 15 pilots
OriginFort Summer
DestinationChelsea Bagels
Light Years17.700
G-Well Activity2.010
Technical Rating3.666