Status: Success


Alpha Sculimpics: Episode 1999

SCULimpics 99 has now been declassified to Level D security. A large convoy rendez voused with civilians at prespecified coordinates in the Allston System. a makeshift arena was constructed and the games promptly commenced.

Everyone was allowed to participate, at their own risk, of course. Dozens of choppers were provided. Only choppers were allowed to participate in the events.

The 13 Events were as follows (tentatively in this order)

Take as much starting distance as you need. When you cross the first line start your skid. Longest distance wins. Best of three tries. One skid per turn. In the event of a tie the one who started the skid closest to the start line wins.

Gold Medal: Toast
Silver Medal: Crusty
Bronze Medal: Scrub

A team captain chooses four team mates to make a five person team. Each player does one lap. Team shares one medal.

Relay In Action

Gold Medalists of Relay

Gold Medal: FuelInjector, Tex, Skunk, Spider, Crusty
Silver Medal: ???
Bronze Medal: ???

Take as much starting distance as you need. When you cross the line start your wheelie. Longest time with the front wheel in the air wins. Best of three tries. One wheelie per turn. In the event of a tie there will be a sudden death round.

Gold Medal: Crusty
Silver Medal: Scrub
Bronze Medal: ???

•Donut Loop
Ride around the cones. Follow the white chalk line. Eat the donut as you ride. You must eat all of the donut before you cross the finish line.

Gold Medal: Moss - 55 seconds
Silver Medal: MRI - 1:07
Bronze Medal: Spider - 11:07.5

Fastest time without knocking over the cones wins. Short division choppers go first. Long division will have cones spaced out longer and one cone removed. Only one gold, silver and bronze medal given for both divisions.

Gold Medal: Scrub - 9:78 short bike
Silver Medal: Toast - 9:99 short bike
Bronze Medal: Crack - 11:00 long bike

•Bumper bikes
Boundary lines are drawn on the ground. Players enter the arena. After the flag bearer says go, the last one to touch the ground wins. Players may grab each other, each other’s bikes, etc. Anyone who leaves the boundary is out.

Gold Medal: Flasher
Silver Medal: Bruise
Bronze Medal: Spider

•Ghost Ride
Ride your bike then jump off it. Time is recorded from the moment you stop touching the bike to the moment the frame stops moving. Longest time wins.

Gold Medal: NONE
Silver Medal: NONE
Bronze Medal: NONE

•Chopper Haul
Two lines are drawn 20 yards apart. Pilot can have assistance in loading up as many frames as they dare. Once the pilot crosses the line they can not receive any help, and they must not let any of the bikes they are carrying touch the ground. No bungee cords, bags or fastening devices allowed. In case of a tie judges will decide which frames were more impressive to haul.

This is an event of strategy and strength.

Tex Takes the Silver in Chopper Haul

Gold Medal: PazRokOne
Silver Medal: Tex
Bronze Medal: Toast

Players ride in a circle marked off with chalk. A gunner stands in the middle with cannonballs. The gunner throws the ball trying to hit people. Anyone who is hit is out. Anyone who leaves the circle is out. If a pilot catches the ball they may throw it at another pilot. Pilots who stay the longest in the circle win.

Most of the events in SCULimpics had never been tried before. This event sucked. It basically turned out to be Skunk in the middle of the field pegging anyone he felt like. The event was canceled.

Gold Medal: NONE
Silver Medal: NONE
Bronze Medal: NONE


Take as much starting distance as you need. Jump over the ramp. Best distance wins. One jump per turn. Best of three tries. In case of a tie judges will choose based on difficulty of ship used and form.

The jump was designed by Skunk, and engineered and built by WalTor. It featured a hinge in the middle to allow it to fold up into a box when not in use. A handle was added for convenient carrying. It performed beautifully, despite it not being tested before the SCULimpics. Kudos to NoWayRay, who was the brave pilot to step forward and give the maiden jump.

Ege performs the "Flying Turk" maneuver, AKA Endos in a spectacular crash.

It was a miracle Flasher recovered from this.

Gold Medal: PazRokOne - 139 in.
Silver Medal: Ege - 135 in. (ended in a HUGE crash!)
Bronze Medal: MRI - 134 in.

•Kickin’ Claus
Take as much starting distance as you need. Ride by a plastic Santa real fast and kick it as far as you can. Distance is measured from the starting point to the landing point. Longest distance wins. Best of three tries. One kick per turn.

Santa turned out to be a more formidable opponent than most pilots expected. WalTor managed to get a good punt in, despite a bad case of gout on his kickin' foot, to take the silver.

The Target WalTor brakes his gouty foot Flasher Warms Up

Gold Medal: MRI
Silver Medal: ???
Bronze Medal: Skunk

A ribbon extending two feet is tied to the back of each chopper. A large box is drawn on the ground. Players enter the arena. When the flag bearer says go, players attempt to rip off other players' ribbons. The last one to have all their ribbon wins. Anyone who leaves the circle is out.

Gold Medal: Crusty
Silver Medal: Crack
Bronze Medal: ???

•Frame Toss
Players throw a frame in a standing position. Feet must remain stationary. NO SPINNING. WAIT FOR THE FLAGBEARER TO SAY GO. THIS IS A DANGEROUS SPORT, USE CAUTION. The throwing bike has been gravitationally enhanced. Longest distance from throwing line to closest part of frame wins. One try only.

Gold Medal: MRI - 20 feet 9 inches
Silver Medal: WalTor - 19 feet 5 inches
Bronze Medal: Moss - 16 feet 3 inches

The tossing frame was gravitationally enhanced with solid steel barstock.

All had fun and no altercations were reported.

The Medallists

Once the event was over, those left alive returned to base to revel in victory.
Pilot Ship Points Promotion
Bruise Anger 64.4104   Aviator
Crack Pestilence 61.8094   Lieutenant
Ege Famine 64.3724   Aviator
Flasher Abandon All Hope 154.16   Petty Officer Third Class
MegaSeth Fall From Grace 149.639  
Moss Chrome Pony 110.7   Petty Officer Third Class
Nails Envy 84.8774  
NoWay Lust 55.5944   Lieutenant
Paz Rok One Pale Horse 57.7773   Aviator
Pig Fluffy, the Destroyer of Worlds 93.1944   Aviator
Pit Girl Sloth 39.2553  
Scrub Ez Raider 35.4925   Pilot
Skunk Abandon All Hope 599.16   Vice Admiral
Smoke Chrome Pony (Bombardier) 106.048   Aviator First Class
Spider Greed 112.649   Aviator First Class
Tex Ooh La La 57.5661   Aviator
Toast Centvrion 50.2788   Aviator
WalTor Trez Bonz 68.6089   Petty Officer Second Class
Pilots must be logged in to see the briefing.
Taskforce Pilot
Mission Leader Skunk
Still Cam Crusty
Airlock Skunk
Recycler Skunk
Damage Control Skunk
Mission Debriefer Skunk
Mission Reporter Skunk
Cleaner Skunk

Mission Parameters

Mission LeaderSkunk
Mission Size 18 pilots
OriginFort Francis
DestinationSCULimpics Site
Light Years7.230
G-Well Activity1.238
Technical Rating2.113